In about two weeks, my stepdaughter will begin her last year of high school. For simplicity’s sake, I’ve chosen to start our school year at the same time hers does. While she’s finally doing well in school and reasonably happy, it took us a very long time to get here, and I’m still not satisfied with the education she’s receiving.

All this, plus a comment on a website about whether we all simply home school out of fear, has got me thinking back over the many reasons I home school. They can basically be broken down into Things I Don’t Want For My Daughter, and Things I Do Want For My Daughter.

Here are the DON’Ts:
1. A poor education. Our town’s public schools consistently fall below state averages.
2. An education so expensive it may as well be college, like some of the private schools here.
3. To have her be away from home most of the day, most days, being taught and
essentially raised by strangers.
4. For her to be having a problem, and me to not be informed of it.
5. An education that does not encourage her to rise to her potential.
6. For her to find school so unpleasant that she’s turned off of learning.
7. For her to be in a peer environment that values cutting.
8. For her to be in a peer group that devalues grades and work.
9. For her to find out what its like to be bullied.
10. For her to be afraid of her teachers.
11. For her to be ashamed because of how someone else treated her.
12. For her to skate through because she’s not a behavior problem.
13. For her to learn any of the following valuable lessons I picked up in public elementary school, along with the days of the week and names of the continents:

-If they don’t notice you, nothing too bad will happen.

-If you get picked on, it’s your own fault, and you deserve it. There’s something
wrong with you that makes this happen.

- Friends are the people willing to let you sit with them in the cafeteria and to play
with them at recess, no matter how badly they treat you.

-They hit and tease you because they like you (that gem came from my mother).

-Don’t trust adults, not even your own parents, because NO ONE will protect you or
even try to understand your feelings.

- If you have trouble with a subject, it’s because you are lazy and have a bad attitude.

You can class all that in the DON’T category.

Here are the Dos:

1. For her to have a close, trusting relationship with her family.
2. For her to have a close, trusting relationship with her friends.
3. For her to be assertive.
4. To have art and music classes regularly (many of our schools don’t).
5. To have Phys Ed regularly that is an actual class (many of our schools don’t even
have gyms).
6. To treat others with respect and courtesy.
7. To be treated by others with respect and courtesy.
8. That learning is fun (I know I am stretching here).
9. To receive HELP if she has trouble with a subject, not blame.
10. To get a good education.
11. To be taught and raised by the people who love her.

I’ve rattled around a fair amount on the internet looking for homeschoolers. What I’d love is to find a group of supportive, knowledgeable HSers to virtually hang with.

I’ve found some great people. I’ve also found lots of foam-at-the-mouth fundies.

On a home school message board I belong to, largely populated by Christians (most of whom are not like this), we had the following conversation, more or less:

OP: Are there secular resources out there?
Lots of secular comments follow
Fundie 1: I just want to share that Jesus told me to homeschool. Also that he said that the only way to Heaven was through him. And that I should wear more V necks. I’ll pray for God to help all of you (poor benighted fools).
Christians who use some secular curricula: We believe in stuff! We’re not heathens!
Me (silently): I don’t think you know what that word means.
Fundie 2: Love the Lord! You’re all gonna burn in hell!
Secular folk: Ya know guys, this is actually kinda rude.
Fundie 3: Wah! You’re persecuting us for talking about Jesus.
etc.

WHAT is WRONG with these people? Do they think I’m suddenly going to say, ‘hey, I’ve been a Goddess lovin’ pagan for over 20 years but now that these incredibly rude folks who can’t even quote their own holy book correctly have screamed at me, I want to be just like them?’

Guess what, folks, it ain’t gonna happen. Feel free to carry on making fools of yourselves, though.

*********

Just as a postscript, I want to add this–I call these folks foam-at-the-mouth fundies to distinguish them from other Christians of all sorts. Over the years I have met many people of many different stripes, including all manner of Christians, some of whom were fundamentalists. The vast majority of them are lovely people, many of whom remain close friends of mine. The mouth-frothing ones can be distinguished by their consistently obnoxious attempts to inflict their world view on the rest of us. A conservative Christian of any stripe might make their kid wear this to the pool: http://www.wholesomewear.com/page-4.html. The ones I object to want to force my kid to wear it too. I don’t like bossy people.

The upshot, though, was that I met some other secular home schoolers who are funny, smart, and nice. So maybe its a good thing that all this happened the way it did.

Ever since I started calling myself a homeschooler, I’ve been getting weird reactions from other parents. Not negative, just wierd. Sometimes I hear, “oh, that’s great” in a VERY nervous voice, like I am suddenly going to sprout a second head and start ranting about how the dinosaurs went extinct because they all lost their tickets for Noah’s ark. Sometimes I hear, “I could never do that.”

That one gets to me every time.

Why not? You taught your kid to walk and talk, didn’t you? You taught him the difference between a doggie and a lion, how to throw a ball, and to not fart at the table (we’re still working on that one). So why can’t you teach them reading, writing, and trig? Look, what I say in response to these folks is true–we all have to choose what works best for us. But don’t think that just because you haven’t ever taught, you can’t ever teach.

For me, it was easy. I consider myself pretty smart. I used to work part time in the financial aid office in my graduate school, and I dealt with many education students. They were, on the whole (I know there are exceptions), some of the dumbest folks I have ever had to deal with. They couldn’t fill out a form asking for their identifying information without calling me to ask for help:

Student: It says name
Me: Put in your name
Student: But I don’t know your name
Me: Do you know your own name?
Student, annoyed: Yes of course I know my own name.
Me: Write it down there
Student: Write my own name there?
Me: Yes.
Student: Where do I put it?
Me: On the line next to where it says name.
Student: In the line?
Me: ON the line. On top of the line.
Student: On the top?
Me: Let me transfer you to someone who can help you better.

So when I got insecure about teaching my daughter, I remembered that and I decided that the day I couldn’t teach as well as people that stupid would be a very sad day indeed.

I know I have my weak areas. I stink at math. That’s why I will buy a teacher’s manual or something else that tells me what to say, how to teach, and what the answers are. When my daughter gets older, if we are still HSing, I’ll get her a tutor if she needs one, because I sure won’t be teaching trig. Probably not even algebra. With some hand holding from the manuals I think I am up to multiplication and long division. While a tutor is an extra expense, its one that many parents of public and private school children have as well.

Yes, they CAN home school. They just think they can’t.