One of the reasons I homeschool is that kids, left to themselves, reenact scenes from The Lord Of The Flies.

While such behavior is undoubtedly the result of natural primate urges, I still don’t condone it. I certainly won’t encourage it.

I find it somewhat ironic that the kids in regular school environments, be they public or private, who are supposedly so much better socialized than home schooled kids, are in fact much more likely to start this sort of crap than my kid. Perhaps that’s a goal for some parents. I can hear it now. This is “the real world” kids need to “toughen up” and “learn to deal”.

Well, I’d like MY kid to learn to deal with needless cruelty by refusing to participate in it, and walking away from those who engage in it. I’d like her to learn empathy and develop a social conscience. And I don’t think I’m hindering her social development one bit by refusing to allow her to be mean.

And while I’m on a roll about child rearing, I’d like to throw in just one more thing. Child -rearing only works if you pay attention to your kid. Sitting there in a corner assuming your child is behaving well while you chat with your grown-up friends is NOT child rearing. Getting up once in a while to find out if she’s screaming at other children and excluding some from her games, and then forcing her to stop–THAT is parenting.

I live in a tiny city or large town that has a college and is in close proximity to some of the best schools and cultural offerings in the country. Many of the residents here are well educated and very affluent. Its not a place I’d look for racism.

But it’s here.

A new playground opened. It’s a very nice, very small water park with some swings and climbing equipment and slides too. There is, according to a vocal minority, a serious problem with this park. They want a police presence there. They want to ban kids older than 8. To justify this they claim it is meant to be a toddler park, which you have to be both stupid AND illiterate to believe, and act like saying it often enough will make it true. They want to go there in groups and stage a kind of take back the park movement. They write emails to the mayor and the newspaper and the town council.

The problem with the park? It’s too close to the projects. You know, where “they” live. No one SAYS they don’t want their tykes to play with the African American kids or the Latino kids or, perhaps more importantly, the kids whose families don’t bring in six figures. No, that would be wrong.

Instead they complain that some kids roughhouse. They don’t like the water fights or the running around that kids will do in a playground. There have been two so-called incidents between parents and unruly children there. One was real, and one overblown crap that would never have gotten as far as it did if the mom had just handled it differently–and believe me, it didn’t go far even then. No one SAYS that the unruly kids involved were minorities. BUT they freely lament the proximity of the park to the projects, and discuss the supposedly poor home life of these problem kids, and otherwise make it clear that the children who bug them simply must have been from the projects. In other words, poor and minority.

How dare they come to “our” park? Well, maybe because its a PUBLIC park close to their homes where the kids can play and cool off in the water.

Come to think of it, that’s why I go too.

The other day we were at that park again. There was a cluster of Caucasian moms, and an extended family from the projects. They played separately. The family from the projects had some older kids, and they were loud and boisterous in their play. One of the Caucasian moms gave them some nasty looks, especially when her toddler was accidentally squirted with water. My daughter loves older kids and rough play, so she went right over to them and they welcomed her. The older boy allowed her to follow him around and play with him for a very long time. The girls accepted her. She had a blast. I chatted with the mother, which is how I know where they live, and she was lovely.

No matter their background, no kid is perfect. No adult either. We all have our moments. There are some bad apples in the projects, and also out of them in the brownstones on Bloomfield and Hudson and the incredibly overpriced lofts of the Tea Building. There are brats and jerks in any big enough grouping of people you care to name.

So freaking what?

I judge people based on their actions. If you act like a jerk, then I don’t want anything to do with you, nevermind the color of your skin or where you are from (or who you sleep with, or who you worship). What’s that to me when you just cut the line I’m standing on?

My four year old has the wonderful opportunity here to play with kids of all different sorts. When we walk down the street she’s twice said to me, ” Look, Mommy, her skin is brown.” “Yes,” I answer, “Isn’t that pretty?” She plays with anyone and will befriend anyone regardless of the color of their skin or even the language they speak. In fact not long ago she had a long conversation with a little boy who spoke only Spanish. Neither child understood the other’s words, and they had a good time anyway. I think play may be a universal language.

It would be a terrible shame if my child were to lose the openness she has to other kids who look or sound different. We try to foster it in her. When she gets older she’ll realize she has child and adult friends of many different types-gay, straight, Latin, Asian, Caucasian, rich, and poor. But for now all she knows is that she has a lot of people in her life who love her. I think that’s the most important thing of all.

I guess its as good a post title as any.

Who am I?

I’m a fat, middle-aged, home schooling mom trying to keep up with her four year old. Yes, I refer to myself in the third person. It’s an occupational hazard of motherhood (eg., “Mommy’s in the shower, you’ll have to wait, “For the FIFTH time, Mommy’s folding the laundry, she’ll get your milk in a minute”, “Mommy’s bleeding from the ears, you can get up off the couch and put your own cup on the table”).

What else? I’m a New Yorker living in Hoboken, New Jersey. I’m a neo-pagan. I’m a former mental health professional. I’m a Jew. I’m a stepmom. And those are just the things I’m willing to admit to on the internet. I have too many things I want to do and not enough focus on doing them.

What does all that mean? It means I have dishes in the sink, dinner in the crockpot, paintbrushes on the counter, laundry on the floor, and caller ID. I keep waiting for home schooling to get easier. I keep thinking that if I just found the right curriculum, the right organizer, it would all snap into place. But I suspect that home schooling is going to be what I do while I am figuring out how to home school.

Some days I think I don’t have the faintest idea what I am doing. I guess that means I get to invent it as I go along.